i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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