My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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