so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
