Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
