Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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