Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
