You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
