I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
as a side note pls kill me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
