just survived the first fart of the relationship.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
