Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
