i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
