It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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