I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
wow bdsm is so cute
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
