Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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