are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
