I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's always time for handjobs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
