On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
