You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
