you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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