3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
