Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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