I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
