You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
