if only i could text you this smell
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
