omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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