you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
