I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
