I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
