You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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