That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
