Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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