I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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