Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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