My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
