its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
