Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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