just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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