Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
