woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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