I think my vagina is haunted
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
