Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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