I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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