Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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