gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
