You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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