I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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