Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
