is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You made out with two different species that night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
