I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
