3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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