Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
