i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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