I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
