One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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