apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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