so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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