Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
