I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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