yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
