remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
