my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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