Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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