Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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