Your dad touched me again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
